Ego's... No not Eggo's

Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you reach for vodka and sugar! Then when all the bullshit is aside and you realize that it is you who keeps squeezing the lemon even though you ran out of vodka long ago and it really sucks; and even though you now know you are free to stop with the lemon thing at any time you just can't. It's like meth... Please step away from the lemon, Put the lemon down and walk away slowly.
Here lately I have come to a gross realization, that I am stopping myself from doing to many things that I want to or need to do! I have come to major crossroads in my life that need serious contemplation. No one panic I am not having second thoughts on school or anything like that. But as I have been forced to look back at my list of accomplishments I am not that impressed. I have a fairly long list of worthless accomplishments in review; a CNA license no good in AZ and will have to redo for RN school(well not the test but the class portion, could take the test if I wanna work as a CNA here) an EMT-B license, doesn't pay shit out here and non transferable license same as with CNA license; 1 year phlebotomy experience, doesn't mean anything in this state with out a license and to get a license I must take a class( I think at least one full time semesters worth)and then again with the pay thing. Then there is my Health Unit Coordinator experience and education pay is better than the previously mentioned careers but being outsourced by computers. So I haven't exactly found the job of my dreams not to mention I have had lapses in judgement in my life that may haunt me for quiet sometime if not forever. With me squeezing my lemons tightly coupled with this recession like non-recession besides the financial struggle, more importantly I am having this emotional battle to find the perfect job even though I already have a job. This is where my ego kicks in and I almost feel like Martha Stewart in Camp Cupcake. Maybe that is a bit much but OK no it isn't. I finally received an assignment today so there is the first clue it is not stable work in my opinion (if you know me then you know I need that definite schedule with out fail) It is in substandard conditions.....blah blah blah piss and moan really the truth is I am just unsure of the situation and I don't trust that it will be steady income. And truthfully this is NOT exactly what I had in mind when I sent my resume out however, since I have to be the grown up in this house...

I will save the other dilemma for another time. I need a nap before I have to get up and go to work.