This is it for 2008!

I am feeling a little sentimental tonight. So I thought I would be exactly like everyone else and do a year end review or something like that. I wouldn't say that 2008 was off to a good start since I was still recovering in January from a surgery that went very very wrong in the end of July the previous year. In February I filed for divorce and Sherman was removed forcibly from our home. Life was a struggle, Noah became very sick and was in the hospital with pneumonia and I lost my job because of all the time off between me being sick, the divorce and Noah being in the hospital. I was able to finish summer school with good grades and the divorce was finalized in July. In August I was able to obtain a court order to have Noah's last name changed so we would all have the same last name. In September I met a guy named Rich to go watch a football game, who knew he would be such a great guy. Rich has been a huge help in our life since. In October I was able to celebrate my birthday several times, which makes up for years passed. I went to Edgefest, to my favorite restaurant, and to a comedy club plus more I don't remember. Some where between March and September the kids really started falling apart. The divorce was to much for them. Unfortunately the marriage would have been way more than any of us could of handled. Nathan began to fight with everyone getting kicked out of school until finally he did enough damage to get the sheriff involved. Despite the fact that I was doing everything I could to help him it was not enough and Abby was just in shambles, she wanted her Daddy. Explaining all the grown up stuff that went on and all the stuff that wasn't right and that they didn't deserve to go through was some kind of chore for me, one that I have not really mastered. My first attempt at getting the kids qualified help failed miserable. I am sure the therapist that was sent had spent more money on plastic surgery then on her education. Then there was a light, a very dear friend and respected medical professional recommended Nate start taking medication. By this point I was willing to try anything and so we did. Nathan has not been in one fight since. He has also made honor roll, does all of his chores with out hassle most of the time and helps out a lot around the house and with the babies. He also just seems happier! Abby on the other hand is not progressing as well she is to young for any kind of medication at this point. But psychotherapy is being used well more specifically aversion therapy because Abby has anxiety/panic disorder, OCD, and a need to control things more so than the normal kid. I am very excited to report that the therapist that comes to see us seems to really know what she is doing and is helping the kids and me to help the kids. Breanna has had some new things in her life this year aside from officially having her title (teenager) catch up with her hormones. Her biological father's (who is deceased) family has been in contact with her. I think she is a little unsure of it. Although she has talked for years that she wanted to know them, now that she has actually talked to some of them I think she is more confused than ever. And despite the fact she repeatedly said she hated my ex husband, I have heard her on more than one occasion say that she misses him. And when I refer to my ex as all the kids dad she no longer corrects me. Once she even heard me being a little snippy with him and told me to be nice. Which is so out of character for her. As I have said in many posts before, she is keeping her grades and over all doing pretty well. Noah is doing well because he is so young he probably wont remember any of this(with any luck). He is finally starting to talk. Which is always fun for me, getting him to say things he can't pronounce and then laughing at him.
In some ways I think the things we go through no matter how bad they seem are meant to bring us to something better. Had I not gone through everything I have been through I would not have learned all the things I have learned. I would not have learned how anyone could love someone who hurts them, or why someone would hurt them in the first place, or how to be more tolerant and less judgemental. Why some things just are. That you really don't control anything. That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want doesn't mean they don't love you with all their heart. That if you don't risk anything you won't gain anything. That anything worth doing requires effort. That there really are no take backs in life. That forgiving is one of the hardest things I will ever do. That I am responsible for my choices. That my choices, not chance determine my destiny. This is a lot of learning for one year.

I do realize that after about the second sentence this became more of a memoir and less of a review. However it's all relative and if one person benefit's from this then I am ok with it. If one mom finds the strentgh to keep on going in her daily struggle to make it, then it was worth it.

What's in store for 2009?
School, school, snd more school. Someday I will finish. Work I love my job in the ER. And hopefully peace for my children and I. Sometimes this is easier said then done, but I am commited to making improvements in our lives.

Happy New Year!

Making History!

OK well I don't know if it is anything to put in the history books BUT.... My Christmas tree is already down. For anyone who really knows me it's a miracle that the the tree or anything Christmas related is put away before, oh I don't know, say, March. LOL. I came home from work this morning and Rich had already taken down everything and put it all away. God bless that man!!! He takes such good care of us and is sooooooo much help! I never have to ask for anything he just knows what we need and always takes care of it before we need it.
Any hootieville, Christmas was great in our house. And even though I was a little out of sorts about Christmas this year everything turned out perfect. So we had to do most everything on Christmas Eve because I had to work Christmas night. My bff Tash and her to beautiful babies shared in the festivities with us along with Rich. I can't tell you how happy it made to have my chosen family here and to be surrounded by love for the holidays. We had a fantastic ham dinner with all the fixin's. Then we all went to Christmas Eve service at our wonderful little church. Where the kids and I were asked to light the Christ's candle for the Advent service. We did open some of our presents on Christmas Eve as Tash's babies would not be joining us in the morning, as they would be going to their fathers. I think everyone was very happy with their gifts, except Bre. Although she did like what she got she also wanted a new cell phone but didn't get one. I think she and I are both coming to terms with the fact that she does not deserve to get everything she wants. All in all I am very pleased with the way things turned out. Here are a few, I mean a lot of my favorite pictures from Christmas. Peace and Love to everyone.

End of the Semester.

Christmas is almost here. Which means that the fall semester has drawn to a close. I took my last two finals this past Tuesday. Although the final grades are not posted yet I am pretty sure my final grades will be two A's and one B. I am pretty ok with that, but it would have been nice to have all A's. Oh well can't win em' all. The big kids are also out for winter break. Nate made honor roll with all A's and B's. I am very excited for him. His new medicine is really helping him focus and get his work done. He is also in karate and that helps him burn of extra energy and to focus all the energy he does have. Bre also had good grades A's and B's except for one class. Mostly because she doesn't think that library is a relevant class. But she has been informed of the importance of reading. LOL! So really good grades for everyone across the board, just one more reason to celebrate!

In other relatively boring news the babies have been pulled out of daycare, because Noah has been very very sick the entire time he has been there and Abby has gotten sick several times. The final straw was Noah got hand foot and mouth disease and was like the ninth or tenth kid to get it. It was very painful for Noah and very hard for me to watch Noah be in so much pain and not be able to eat or drink. However the upside is... I think everyone is actually healthy right now and I hope they all stay that for a long time!!!

Some mug shots from this week:

Two Birthdays For The Price of One.

Well I just have one day left of school this semester. Yea!!! But I wanted to tell you about Noah's and Breanna's birthday that was this past Sunday. Which is also shared with our friend Austin (Happy Birthday Austin), and Pearl Harbor Day. Despite working all night Saturday and knowing I had to go back in Sunday night, I got up around 2ish so that I could get ready for work, take everyone to dinner and have just a little time before they went off shopping with out me. For dinner we all went to Applebee's, unfortunately Noah got sick in the parking lot and threw up all over Rich. Just a side note Noah has been sick for like a month or better, but finally I think he is getting better now. We will see when we go back to Doctor Tash tomorrow. Any hoodle, so Noah had crackers for his Bday dinner. He must have been feeling better when the ice cream came out though, cause he had a spoon in both hands. LOL. Breanna brought a friend along and did normal teenage stuff. They ate a little bit. But mostly excited to go shopping since I had given Rich money to go buy her new shoes and Rich had given her 100.00 as her gift. Nate and Abby were very excited to be going to the mall as they always have a great time with Rich. I gave Noah a small little toy car set thing that went straight to the toy box never to be seen again. But Rich bought Noah a very cool race track for little kids (it has really big cars) that he really likes. Trumped again. Sigh... Oh I am just glad my kiddos are happy! Christmas cards will probably be late this year. I havent even taken the picture yet (I know, I know, I am a procrastinator in the worst way right now) but here are some recent pictures to hold you all over. Much love to all. Merry Christmas!

Life's Randomness

Some things strike me as ultimate perfectness. Such as when karma just makes up for all the things that have seemed to have gone unpunished or even unnoticed. Remember when you can home from school upset because some kid was not nice to you; and your mom said don't worry about it they'll get theirs or what goes around comes around. Finally she was right! Nothing could be truer in my life right now and to actually see it is very satisfying. Ironically Karma seems to have stepped in and said your pain was not in vain. In some ways I know I should not take such pleasure in other peoples suffering, however I feel that justice is served at least in some ways. To know is one thing, but to see it, is completely different. Karma is not just providing justice for me it is also showing me that my efforts to make changes in my life were worth it. Karma has also given those who deserve bigger challenges plenty of room to grow and for this I am very happy.

For the large number of cynics I have encountered lately... Karma will get you too. The background: I have recently had the displeasure of being surrounded by cynics for long periods of time and I don't see this trend ending anytime soon! My first approach was just to be happy about life (cause I do have a great life)and blow them off. However cynicism is somewhat contagious (like yawning) and I have found myself being sucked in on several occasions. I would prefer for this not to happen or Karma will get me and not in a good way. One would think these particular type of people would be exactly the opposite of cynical, but then people don't take the "Hypocritical Oath" for nothin' while others aren't even held to those standards(however they seem to be able to meet them with no problem)(lol). For the record being cynical will not make you day go better!

On the other hand I have run in to a few very inspiring people in 2008. Not to say that I am not inspired to Not be like the afore mentioned people. However I mean true awe inspiring people. People that make you wanna change the world with them. People that make you reevaluate your out look on life. The real heros in this world. Because of these encounters I have changed the direction of my journey through life and will continue to do so until only good Karma comes my way.