Somebody Send Me The Instructions!!!!

Today, it has been about tough love in a way I never expected. I always thought I would show some tough love but not this way. One new discovery that I have made is that 4yr olds can be more manipulative than adults and way smarter at it. As you all know Abby and I have been butting heads a lot lately. It is of much debate as to why things are the way they are(at least in my head). My suspicions are definitely raised as to her just being flat out manipulative now. Of course when all of this started you would have not been able to convince me of that for a million dollars. However now I am starting to see the light. And the angels sing AAAWWWWEEEE! Of course that's of no consolation for the mess that I have created and now have to clean up, if you know what I mean. So my guilty conscious has got me again and now I feel like I have to be mean all the time to her.
The background: Abby has been displaying OCD type behavior that has been getting worse over the last year and just general manipulation. She is smart for her age, knows all the stuff she should, letters, numbers, learning phone number, just all the usual. Unfortunately as this behavior has progressed I have seen it as some kind of failure on my part and although it is, it is not the same failure I thought it was. Which means that it has to be fixed differently then I once thought.
So Abby loves to talk and loves to be in control. She loves to talk so much that she even talks for Noah to the point that on a regular basis I have to say "Abby, hush I wasn't talking to you!" Previously I thought it was a great idea to let her have choices and talk about everything, since things have progressed to the level that they have I have now decided that she is just one that can't handle a lot of choices. And as hard as it is for me to say this I can not let her talk about certain things. Which goes against every grain in my body. Aren't you supposed to talk about how you feel? Shouldn't I be communicating with her? Well it seems as though it is her favorite mode of manipulation and boy is she gooooood at it.
So whenever anything happens Abby loves to talk about it, really drag it out and annoy the crap out of me. Like for instance her OCD obsession with everything in her room and where she puts things and hoarding and stealing brothers toys and freaking out if anyone even goes in there even to put up laundry. So today I had to be tough as nails I went in there and put things like they were supposed to removed what needed to be and when Abby saw this she just started screaming and trying to put everything back where she had it. I had to stop her and tell her that if here room did not get put back the way I had it when she was done playing I would take everything away from her and she would have to earn everything back one at a time and that there would be absolutely NO discussion about this what so ever. That was hard for me. However she actually kinda looked at me like "I can't believe your doing this" instead of continuing to cry about it. That's not to say that she didn't try a couple of times, but I think I laid down the law pretty firmly this time and she knows I mean business. All the same I have a very difficult time not letting her talk about how she feels when something happens, but for now I am sure this is the best thing I can do for her. I am sure we will both make it through this. I think. LOL

Just Stoppin' By To Say Hi...

Oh wait I live here. Gosh I have been on the go so much, I didn't know whether I was comin' or goin'. I do remember promising to show the new tattoos off once they were healed. So here is a before and after picture.



I soooo love the convenience of just waking up and my make up is already done! There was a few days though that I looked like a geisha girl who got beat up by her pimp. lol. I would still do it again for this kind of convenience. Here's a picture because I think it's funny...

Although this picture doesn't quite serve it justice, as this time I actually had some bruising below my left eye and a couple of people really did think I had been hit. LOL What we women do for beauty. But even I have my limits. I am not now nor will I ever be to the point of having my toes surgically removed for the sake of wearing overpriced high heels.

Other interesting things... I just found out that I have way more then enough credits to have my AASGE degree. Although I know this degree with do absolutely nothing but stroke my ego and make me feel like all this time I have been in school has accomplished something. Ok it's not completely true that it will do nothing, but it won't do much. Having this degree will allow me to go ahead and take the LSAT's and skip some of the busy work for law school. Yes I know you thought I was going to school to be a nurse and I AM. But I see no reason not to double major and both fields interest me and can work together.

The kids are doing mostly good. Bre is good as gold like always, just normal didn't pick up her dirty clothes kinda stuff. Noah has finally started talking a lot. He now will repeat what ever you say. The other kids think this is great. What could be more fun then getting a 2year old to say "you tripin'" of course I would never ask him to say "mama pretty" or anything like that. LOL
Nate and Abby are a very different story that just makes me wanna cry. After many years of saying something is wrong with my kids, I don't know what, but something. It is getting to a boiling point for me. I have been blown off for many years about my concerns for them. Finally I think I found someone who is taking me seriously. However slow a process this might be I hope I am able to make progress. I do feel bad for thinking something is wrong with Nate and Abby but there is something there. I am their mom and I know!!! I have been told everything from they are normal to it's my bad parenting to this list of diagnosises... ADHD, ODD, Asburgers, OCD, Depression, Bipolar, no social skills, impulsivity, hyperthyroidism, diabetes, inability to see or hear well, etc. etc. I mean really this list could go on for ever but ultimately most of this stuff has been ruled out. ADHD and OCD are still top contenders but don't seem to be the root problem. Medicine seems to help Nate but really I would be hard pressed to get Abby on anything because of her age. I am stressed to the point of having hives all of the time trying to get the help my family needs. I think this is possibly one of the most frustrating things I have encountered thus far in my life. In addition to not getting the support from mental health and Physicians I also don't have the support of there father or my family. Not that I necessarily need there approval but I most certainly do not need them telling me there is nothing wrong. Course that hasn't been a real problem in recent days as most of my family doesn't even talk to me any more. Comments and suggestions welcomed.

My latest thoughts have been on buying the house I currently live in. It's huge and I really like it and wouldn't need to spend that much to upgrade/update to my liking. It would be a lot of work, with all the grants and stuff I would have to write for. There is no way I could do this one completely on my own but it would be nice to be out from under the thumb of the man. Ya know. All that said, it's only a thought and any action will have to wait until summer at least when I am not so busy.

Ok I am out for now I will try to post something good tomorrow before I am back to work. No promises.
Peace Out!